IM A TURBO LOVER

It’s Deathtime!!!

Hank is dead. I know that’s the name of the new album and all that, but this is real.

Never is forever.... I don’t think we’ll ever meet again.

My love affair with a band halfway around the world, started with a mere mention of them. 

But it was from Pig Champion that this recommendation came and with that, my ears perked up. He said it was like Mudhoney with 3 guitars. They had just played at Blue Gallery and I missed it. So, I promptly got the TRBNGR 12” which I think is call Turboloid? They were pretty grungy and heavy and loose. I loved it. Played the tunes quite a bit and would turn people onto it whenever I thought it was appropriate.

I recall a Flipside issue with them on tour in the states. I wish I could find it. (UDATE: A friend got it for me on Ebay.) They had denim vest on but were wicked sunburned from being in Southern California. It was pretty funny.

I also had friends in the Bay Area that had seen them on couple different occasions. Punks with Presses and maybe Chameleon Club? When I went to stay with my friend, he lived with Dave Ed from Neurosis. He had tales of the shows being completely off the charts and then the band did some tribute to SF and Levis and exchanged their denim with the crowd, and somehow one of these vests ended up  at the house, up on the wall. Also, Dave had gotten an advance copy of Apocalypse Dudes and it was just what we needed. That AND Hellacopters “Payin’ The Dues” were played to me on that trip to the bay. 

This was all there was for me to bite on, until word came that they were playing at a building that our rehearsal space was in, called Suburbia. Wow!!! 

Tom Pig lived right next to our room and he was obviously the conduit for the show,. By this time, Ass Cobra was out and we played the shit out of it. Our band was also covering the song, Turbonegro Hates The Kids. Tom would hear this and come over. He mentioned that we needed to hear the first album. WE thought Ass Cobra WAS, the first album. NOPE! You also have to realize this was the very end of turning people onto things via word of mouth. The computer was about to enter all our lives and the internet would solve all your curiousities with a click. The computer was gonna come in handy though here in a little bit and provide a major part of this story.

One quick note is that, my old band member Phil (Whisky Rebel) Irwin had done the liner notes on the cover of Ass Cobra. This was really close to home. AND they had a song called Screwed and Tattooed, which Rancid Vat had as well. I hoped and prayed it was a cover of our song, but it wasn’t. It was even better!!!

BUT, the show at Suburbia loomed in the distance, until it came to the night. I went to pick up my buddy/band mate to accompany me to the show. I had done my talk up and maybe even played what tunes we had. Well, we proceeded to drink beers and decided that it was not on our radar to go to this show tonight.  Majorly bad decision, as they were touring Apocalypse Dudes and we fucking missed a legendary show. I never let my friend forget it. But we actually mended that fence by doing a tribute band shortly after. Because the band broke up not too long after, we felt they were a band that JUST needed to be heard. And we wanted to spread the Darkness a little.

It was decided to do a tribute band and call it Denim Demons. We gave it a lot of attention and time but I drew the line at profiting from this venture. Although we did make a couple bucks, we just wanted to keep the music alive and the name out there. We played local club gigs and gutted a few feather pillows on the way. We would get V.H.S. tapes from eBay to study Rokpolast broadcast and listen to the live album that was released posthumously by the band. One of the coolest gigs we had was a lesbian wedding we did. I even gave the couple an out, by giving them all sorts options for bands I was in, or could get. I gave them a Turbonegro C.D. to get them famaliar with what a Denim Demons set could consist of. When we got together to see what it was they wanted, they wanted “The band that sang the song GOOD HEAD!”

Okay then… We were informed it was at the Portland Art Museum downtown. Whoa!!!

It WAS swanky, but very low key. We had a blast and did a photo shoot all over the place. Then we had to play. It was a huge hall and little kids were there and we are singing “Don’t say Motherfucker, Motherfucker” and “I Hate the Kids”. It was funny and awkward. You know, a typical gig! Then I broke my bass drum head and NO ONE carries an extra bass drum or bass drum head to a gig. This, plus we were the only entertainment. The couple was cool though and we knocked off and just hung out. Still made a little dough for the efforts, as well.

Let’s see…. So, by us doing this band, we send Happy Tom a C.D. and maybe a VHS of a show. We received back a letter back from Tom. He was blown away by the effort and our attention to detail. We sent a C.D. of our other band and he praised that as well. 

This stuff also got us on the radar of the guy who ran the Turbojugend USA site. This was, like I said, the early days of the inter web and he took this thing and ran with it. It was actually really cool thing and place for all us Turbo Lovers to get together. I had not actually started the jugend here in Portland yet. But he was a big fan of our Denim Demons thing and extended an invitation only type thing to all of us, to come and see Turbo in S.F. 2/12/2003 This was crazy!!! 

I took my brother as a plus one and we took Mike Thrasher along and hooked up with friend in the city before the show. Come to find out, it was an employee party for Carling and Levis. Turbonegro was the entertainment that night and we got to come along. The show was amazing and they played a new song that night. Sell Your Body To the Night. It was placed in the middle of their set while the crowd was good and lathered up. Come to find out, Spike Jonze was shooting a video for the band. We all had a raging time and got back on the over nite flights home. Way hung over and glowing with posters as our trophies, we had finally seen the band. LIVE!!!! Unforgettable…. Truly.

Now, not much Turbo activity until THEY RE-UNITE!!! It was a short list of dates in Europe, and mainly in Germany. I wanna say it was 5-6 dates. These dates coincided with something else major in my life. 

I was going to marry  my woman in September and we had procured airline tickets to Europe. We did it all backwards in a way and were going on our honeymoon first, in May 2003. We had a two week stay in Amsterdam and then were traveling to Prague by train. Well, by serendipity or whatever, the travel days ended up being on the dates of these Turbo shows. I was outta my skin!!! This was early dial up modem days and I had to get tickets on the German version of Ticketmaster. Soooo…. I also, had to translate all the instructions myself. My high school German class’s had long faded,  I actually completed the the whole thing, cashed out and then within a day or two, I swear, the tickets were in my mailbox. Unbelievable….

So, we get to our honeymoon and do Amsterdam and then get to Köln. Do a little day tripping around and then head back towards E-werk, the name of the club, and hit a little bar around the corner. Already the sea of denim was getting thick. We get to a bar and order our drinks, and the bar maid ask if we were here for the show tonite. I couldn’t believe it. We didn’t even have anything cool on. But maybe our accents gave us up. 

The show goes on and it was awesome.

Big time stuff with paper cannons with dollar bills and big light show etc. Kids in Turbo makeup. Like a KISS concert or something. So, after the set, I make my way to the floor level and go to the bathroom. I see a dude with a few laminates around his neck and I ask if he is with the band. He hears my accent and asks where I’m from. I  say Portland, Oregon, home of Poison Idea! He just orders me to come with him. I inform him I have to get Darcy and then we will meet back up. We meet outside the club by a big tour bus. All sorts of fans are milling about and we talk with folks for a while. I eventually ask him when the band is going to come off the bus and hang out. He laughed and said “This is our bus!” Motioning to all Turbojugend hanging around. I was blown away. Then without missing a beat, he says “Yeah, we have room for you two to go to Stuggart!” Uh….. Huh?!?! Totally inviting and welcoming from the jump. His name was Pete Porno. 

From here, we make our way back into the club and downstairs to the dressing room. The place is already heaving with backstage activities and laughter. Various band members in different rooms, just lounging and relaxing. It’s like you always imagined…. So, we feel like fish out of water. We are dressed for traveling, so we have shorts on with light weight Nike jackets and shit. SO NOT ROCK AND ROLL!!!! I didn’t matter one bit though. Not At ALL!!! We were just swallowed up with love and friendship. The band made themselves available for quick autographs on shit I was ripping off the wall. OH, I did get a set list from the stage just by showing my invite only my t-shirt. 

THAT was my ticket to almost all this. When people saw THAT, it was my conduit to conversation. So, we chat and hang out, then I see Tom getting paid in a room that is locked. Well, when he came out, I was standing by the door and he handed me a little piece of paper about the size of a fortune cookie with an address on it. It was in German of course, and I had no idea where it was. 

The pace of the backstage area was changing by now and you could tell people were leaving. The jugend would none of our 5:00 am train to catch and demanded we get a cab to the address and meet them there. Everyone raced out the door and to the designated place of this after party. Darcy and I were eventually left standing just outside the back door of E Werk in the warm Koln night. It was getting late and we had a decision to make. Train station or party?Then Hank, Tom and Euroboy came out and were just standing around just like us. I think they were waiting for their ride. I was nervous but I went to Tom and asked if we could just catch a lift over there with them. He said “Ride with us” and just kinda chuckled because that was actually the name of a recent tune they had.

I remember turning to Darc at some point too in the little van cab we took, and whispered “No ONE would believe me if I told them this happened. I’m so glad you are here to confirm it.”

We arrive at another club of sorts and they got the White Stripes cranked up. We come in WITH the band members we rode with. It was wild….. The reception and embracing of us! WE were as much the life of the party as were the band. They heard we were to be married and were giving us marriage advice. I remember one of them said “Don’t let the parents get too involved!” They wanted to know what Poison Idea was up to. Euroboy actually asked me how Tom played guitar so well when his fingers were “so fat!” I was grilled on my thoughts of the new album, Scandinavian Leather. We got on a snow plow in the middle of May if ya dig my vibe? There was so much face time and fun with the band, I was in heaven. They were emphatic that we would be going with them to Stuttgart. We seriously considered it, but last minute changes with foreign languages etc. totally intimidated us. We went with the plan we had and split from the band around 4:00 am. They had a bus call at 5 and we had a train at 5:30. At the station, we had thought ahead and had left our luggage in the lockers there. So we scrambled our way onto the train to Prague and the next thing I remember was two sweet German ladies cutting up an apple and feeding it to us in slices, ever so gingerly. We had our hoodies turned backwards to block the light and must have reeked of booze from the night before. Praise the lord for those women, and again, extending such German kindness to two total complete, messed up, strangers. Without a hint of disgust.

There was one last European Turbo related story. I was in Prague in the main square and was just minding my own business as this guy made his way towards me from clear across this big place. All of the sudden he opens up his button down shirt and has a Turbonegro shirt on. I had on my invite only shirt and he just shook my hand. We both just smiled. This was all weighing on me once we got back. See, hanging with all those jugend, I had made a vow to myself to put Portland on the map as soon as possible. I rallied the Denim Demons band members and a couple of my family members and we put in our order for our jackets. They were supposedly the last batch from Bitzcore. It’s crazy that the band doesn’t even get some royalties or a cut of something for all those jackets manufactured and sold. I think Tom mentioned to me that they may have gotten a whole set of denim for each member, ONCE! Crazy…..

Once we had our jackets, I remember that night we pledged to sleep in them. Not to neccessarily became ONE with our jackets, but to stretch them out. They were like European sizing or something. Our husky American frames, certainly filled out our jackets…. 

The band would eventually come to the states a few times and we would load a few of us up and follow them up and down the west coast. Scotty Potty, Welfare Stoner and Teen Machine Dean (Me) went to S.F. to see one of two nights they had booked. We stopped off along the Oregon coast and northern California hitting the town of Eureka. Found a club that was still rocking and we found the local dealer. We wanted cocaine but he had “The other white meat!”

Sounds good! Got that, and got lit. Still spinning the next day we checked into our crummy little hotel right by Great American Music Hall, which is where the band was playing for the first night of two. So, I go down to sound check and run into Tom. I mention stories from Koln. We also now have the jackets and I asked if he had any room for of us, for tonight. He asked how many we had and that was that. I headed back to the room, played it of all cool like. “Yeah, we’re in….” They just barely raised their heads from the pillows and gave a thumbs up. So, they finally wake up and we get the last of that meat into us and walk the couple blocks to GAMH. At the ticket window, there is a sea of blue denim jackets. Like Koln, but not quite as intense. Bay Area, San Francisco, San Jose all the local area Jugend. Then WE rolled up, PORTLAND! THE home of Death Punk!!! I approached, gave our names for our tickets, get em. good. Then we turned to walk away and the ticket agent called me back. “Hang on, I forgot to give you guys, these!” 

They were after party passes for us. THIS got everyones attention outside. We felt like kings. My guys were over the moon. The show was what it was. We ended upstairs for the after hang. As we are getting our posters signed by the band, I asked Tom who printed them. He pointed to the guys at another table and said “They did.” I leaned over to them and asked “What kinda of mesh did you use for this glitter ink?” This one question, got us an invite to hang out at the Firehouse with Chuck Sperry and Ron Donovan. They handed me an address and said get a cab. 

The band ended up there at the same time and it was another hang with Turbo. Scotty and Mike were again, just over the moon. It was a good hang and as the evening winded down we said our goodbyes and went back to the hotel. Waking up the next day, we though about it and realized we couldn’t do another night of this, so we get in the van and head north to catch the Porltand and Seattle shows. We wussed out and ditched the show we actually HAD tickets for on night two in SF. We made our way home, for one day of rest. Caught the Portland show and there were plenty of people having an amazing night as it was THEIR first time to see the band. So, that was fun to see. We made Seattle the next night. Now, one of these Seattle times, we took Mike Thrasher with us. He was a jugend member by now and also the promoter for the shows the band was doing. The show goes off without a hitch and we heard they had to leave for Australia the next morning. Like in a few hours type of thing. We said our goodbyes and had them sign our vests, and hopped in the van for the 3 plus hours back to Portland. Well, we had a little surprise from the the boys. We benefited from the surplus of party favors and looming customs officials at the airport. We were more than happy to fall on that sword for the guys.

My time as Portland Turbojugend came to an end once the whole internet thing took off and it became WORLDWIDE. I had people that contacted me to stay or visit and all that. Which is what it was all about. But my enthusiasm wained and to be honest, my life was getting heavy. I lost my number one Jugend partner, my wife, Darcy. She ended up with cancer and I ended up alone at the age of 45. Much too young.

Much like Hanky…. Much too young. This is a guy that could have been anything he wanted. Come to think of it, I think he was everything he wanted to be. He was a singer in a rock band, an radio host, museum host, broadway actor, celebrity chef, scientologist, drug recreationalist, resurrected rock singer, mental health helper…. He could have been a stand up comedian if he wanted to. It always seems the brightest burn out the quickest and leave the rest of us behind in the dark. Left to fumble and feel our way out of darkness.

OUT OF DARKNESS!!!!